D.C.

The District of Columbia has been on my mind a lot lately. First, there was the spring break trip focused on research for my assistantship. I was enamored with the city, particularly the Metro, its walkability, marvelous neighborhoods, historic character, and the energy—that sort of energy where you know important things are happening all around you.

I returned to D.C. last weekend. My friends Tom and Steph had considered driving down to Richmond to watch a bike race that Matt was officiating in. I couldn't resist visiting them and joining in the fun!









They are expecting a baby this fall, so it was great to share in the excitement and to see Steph's growing belly!

Then, shockingly, I got an amazing job offer for an organization in D.C. (I hadn't even officially interviewed!) It was a dream job, research and policy analysis regarding transit oriented development. It's all about making change and making our cities more sustainable—what I've said I want! I would be working in an office right around the corner from the White House. I would take the Metro to work and spend my days doing research and analysis about transit, trying to influence federal and other policies.

It has been a really emotional week as I've debated the benefits of this job compared to the sacrifices we'd have to make regarding finances, selling the house, time apart, and quality of life issues. In the end I decided not to take it. The repercussions were too great. I don't have regrets and know that I will be much happier on a different path, but I think there will always be a part of me that is sad, that imagines the Jenn-in-D.C. life.

The Hump's Personal Listserv

The Humphrey Institute is full of intelligent, politically-minded people ... who love to engage in email disputes and clever banterings over the personal listserv. Usually the battle begins with something ordinary and maybe even mundane, such as an announcement of a soccer game. One person responds and soon the floodgates are open! It's entertaining being a sideline watcher of these. At the Humphrey Banquet this year this video was shown depicting the race to be the first one to respond to an email. A side note - my friends and I are sitting at a table in the background of the video :).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0ujdCZ0qPw

Divorce Because You're "Bored"???

In my catching up on the news the other day, I came across a Star Tribune article that discusses middle-age women who initiate divorce. My shock at some of the comments from these women brought to light how traditional I can be when it comes to marriage! (not conservative or religious, just one who really believes in the importance and value of the commitment). Some of the other articles in this three-part series I found interesting, perhaps inspiring, especially about some of the different ways to get through a divorce. But bored of your husband? Always wanting something better? Don't get me wrong - there are many things outside of abuse and cheating that could lead to an intolerable marriage, and I'd assumed that in most divorces there was something that totally wasn't working, like communication issues or constantly fighting, etc. But to hear such cavalier attitudes from women who admitted that had been married to wonderful guys, or "I love you but I'm not in love with you" - Hmph.

It was actually a relief today to read Katherine Kersten's blog. And I've NEVER said that, probably never agreed with her before either. I don't agree with all the comments on her blog, but some parts of it were right on.

And better yet, there's a great discussion going on with all sorts of fabulous comments. I'll quote a few of my faves here:

"I initially felt a sense of “trite-ness” (if that is a word) and trivialization of marriage, probably similar to KK. I certainly dont agree with divorce for the sake of boredom, however, am interested in understanding this apparently growing issue rather than condemning it and leaving it at that.

I recall a fairly recent study, but can’t recall who authored it, where successful marriages were studied over a 10 year periods, with pre-testing of the couple’s traits. the study concluded that the only factor that they could identify as valid in the marriages that lasted was the male’s capacity and ability to show empathy to the female.

It is concerning and painful to read that marriages are breaking up due to feeling unloved, distant and bored. however, judgment aside, perhaps this ability to empathize with our partner and truly emotionally connect and express love and intimacy through the challenges and adversity of marriage should is a quality that will enhance and support lasting marriages."

"I support marriage between two humans (got around that crazy bestiality and polygamy argument people throw out as reasons allowing gay marriage would be a slippery slope.)

However, I am pretty conservative when it comes to upholding the “vows” of marriage/civil union especially when it comes to families with children. While I totally support a person who wants/needs to get out of a marriage because of abuse, I just shake my head when people leave spouses because they are bored. I, too, would be interested in what percentage of divorces are actually due to “boredom” or lack of being passionately in love - I hope it is a small proportion.

I’ll just say it - I think ditching a spouse simply because you are no longer la-la over him/her is stupid and selfish. Marriage is a work of love. Good days/bad days, sickness/health, whatever. I also think it is a terrible message to send kids that “Dad no longer makes my heart go pitter pat so we’re splitting up.” What? What about taking some ownership of your own happiness rather than waiting for someone to serve it to you on a silver platter? Life is not one big fancy dinner party.

I know a couple that fits this description very well - she wasn’t excited about him anymore. Neither one had an affair; they had no financial strains. There was no violence or abuse. She just thought he was boring - that’s exactly what she called it. So she left him and they share custody of the kids.

Life is less boring now that they have to negotiate vacations, trips, school and sports car pools, holidays, etc. I guess it was just too boring to live under one roof and wake up together as a family day after day after day."

"We as a society (im my opinion) have just become too temporary. We can upgrade cars, houses, and spouses when we feel we want something shiny and new."